’tis the season

It’s nearly December. Crazy how fast times goes really. Nearly 3 years since I got “sick”, making me crazy how long it takes to get back. Someone told me it takes as long to get “back” as it does to get sick. Not sure how long it took me, but I hope I’ll feel better soon.

It’s been pretty ok, but I’m in a bit of a slump at the moment. Ironically so is a dear friend of mine. Maybe it’s the time of year? The dark, cold and rain isn’t exactly helping one’s mood. I’m so tired. And I’m so tired of being tired. Why won’t it stop? I don’t even remember the feeling of not being tired. What’s it like?

At the moment all I want to do is crawl into some dark corner, huddle up and forget everything. But obviously that doesn’t solve anything.

Hate being in these “slumps” as well. I feel like I go from being over-emotional and touchy, to not being able to feel at all. Just feeling sad.. empty..

Sounds so melodramatic, doesn’t it? Not really what I want, but I need to “write it off” somewhere. Cause it’s not stuff you talk about to people. How do you explain it anyway? I can’t even explain it to myself.

I don’t want to see myself as – or be seen as – some melodramatic emo kid or something. At least I’m not suicidal. Which according to some means you’re not depressed. Who ever came up with that bright idea? You can’t be depressed if you don’t want to die.. Yeah, that’s not quite true. Idiots.. The way I see it, the fact that I don’t want to kill myself means I still have some fight left in me. I don’t want to give up just yet. Things have to get better. Right?

Sorry for the not-so-cheery mood of this post. I just had to put it somewhere since I don’t talk about it. And no, I don’t want anyone to talk to me about it either, it just makes me feel worse.

Doesn’t help that I can’t afford visiting the new baby brother.. and I have no idea how to find some spare money for buying christmas gifts. Makes me wanna cry. Everyone saying I don’t have to buy any.. but I want to. I just don’t know how. I hate the idea of people buying something for me, and I can’t give them anything..

I will stop now. This post got more depressing than I had intended I think. Sorry again, will try to be more cheery next time. And an extra hug for my friend whom I know is feeling similar feelings.


’tis the season — 2 Comments

  1. På ngt galet vis hjälper det att veta att man inte är ensam om att må överjävligt. *kram* Samtidigt kan vi inte bara skylla på november – tyvärr (det vet vi båda två)

    En tanke, kan du inte göra ngt till din nyaste lillebror som inte kostar pengar? Ett kollage över vad som hände samma år som han kom till världen?

    Med teknikens under kan du åtminstone få se honom på webcam kanske? En klen tröst, men alltid ngt.

    Tack för att du finns förresten 😀

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