I’ve started going to something which I guess is a life coach or something. It slightly resembles cognitive psychology but it’s a bit more.. hmm prodding and straight-forward. I’m not quite sure what I think about it yet, but I’m giving it a chance. Who knows, maybe it will help and I’m definitely ready to be back to normal. If I could be by just snapping my fingers I’d have been over the moon..
One of the exercices today was to imagine one of the worst memories I could think of that included abandonment or similar feelings (because it seems I have some abandonment issues..) and I was quite surprised that the memory of when my ex and I broke up was still able to make me cry.
The image is still very vivid in my head even. We broke up in the middle of the night when I was staying over at his place, and I remember him driving me home to my apartment, following me up. I was crying – heartbroken of course – and he looked miserable. He hugged me and said he was sorry.. and it was such a horrible moment, knowing that it was the last hug we would ever share. Knowing he was leaving me..
I didn’t expect that memory to still be so painful, because obviously I’m over him since a long time, but I guess the feeling of abandonment remains. Or something like that.. who knows.. The guy was also saying today that I don’t let people close because I’m afraid to be hurt. But I have to say I think it’s like that for everyone. Who isn’t afraid of getting hurt?