The other night I had this odd dream in which I bad a baby. I remember it very clearly, something I don’t often do for dreams. It was a little baby girl and I was having trouble finding her a name since I always seem to find great boy names and few girl names. Somehow it amuses me that even in a dream I have the same issues that I do in real life.
Something about the dream was a bit saddening though. The fact that I bad this beautiful little baby girl, and I was going to have to wake up to a world where I didn’t. Part of me knew it already in the dream, and I just didn’t want to wake up.
I realise how silly that sounds. But when I eventually woke up, I felt really sad for the loss of this baby girl that I never actually had. It makes no sense, and it’s silly – but the sadness was real. Maybe it’s a sign that my internal clock is ticking.. I don’t know. It was just sad.
Maybe it’s because I always used to say that I wanted to have kids before I turned 30. In six months I’ll be 32, and I’m nowhere near having any kids, so maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something? In the end it doesn’t matter, since even if I did want a baby, it’s not something I’m in the position to even think about. Which I guess is why I’m sad. I really did want to have a baby before 30. At this point it feels like I should be happy if I have one before 40, if I get to have one at all.
Sorry for the weird post. I realise that my internal clock is playing pranks and those who don’t care for children may not understand. It’s a strange thing, it really is..