Sometimes we just have bad days when it feels like we can’t catch a break. But in the end I can’t complain too much – there are many people out there whose lives are far worse than mine. I’m just so tired all the time – they’ve discovered that I have a B12 deficiency – and something else but I have no idea what the English word for it is… So at least I’m getting that treated, apparently it can take several months and even up to a year to get back to my old energy – but right now I’d settle for just getting a little bit back, just so I can do daily stuff like dishes and cleaning my apartment.
I hate how money is such a big problem these days. Thanks Sweden for giving me nothing when returning after having worked 7 years abroad. The whole EU thing with open borders and being able to move around and work without there being any problems is apparently bogus. I wasn’t given any unemployment benefits when I got back to Sweden, because apparently having worked for a UN organisation is the same as working in the US – cause you know.. the UN is American so it doesn’t count as Europe. What ever happened to the UN being worldwide? It’s Europe as much as anything else? Then when I was written off as sick I couldn’t get those benefits cause – hey, you’ve not been resident in Sweden and working in Sweden lately. Lovely. Thanks a lot.
At least I’m in some therapy and stuff that’s meant to help me get better and eventually back to working. So things are moving in the right direction. I just wish it’d be quicker – which is apparently part of my problem. I want there to be a button to push where everything is just fine and dandy again. Obviously it doesn’t work like that, but it’s what I’m looking for rather than learning to take it easy and one step at a time.
I hate how I get so easily upset. I hate how I don’t have the energy to do anything. I hate how my life is looking at the moment. I hate being tired all the time. I hate not having money for stuff I want to do/buy. I hate not being 100% healthy.
And in the middle of the mess that is my life I fear I’m falling for someone. And I really don’t think I should – cause where else can it lead than to being hurt and rejected or abandoned again? But how can you stop yourself from falling when you’ve already begun? If anyone has some suggestions, I’m happy to listen.
I’m very sorry about the whining. I guess it’s been a bad few days. On a happier note my brother Sebastian is visiting for a few days which is nice. On Monday my dad and the rest of the Örebro-family is coming to town, so I get to see them for a bit as well. It’s always good to see the family so quite looking forward to it.