I realise that things have been pretty quiet over here lately. After the surgery and everything that happened I’ve just been feeling a bit off, and I don’t really know what to write about. I’m still getting used to the idea of what happened, and there’s definitely some residual anger, bitterness and sadness about the whole thing.
Possibly the most annoying part is that they had to cancel the original surgery because of the bleed – meaning I’ve gone through/am going through all of this essentially for nothing.
They’ve offered me to come back to do the original surgery, but I can’t shake the feeling that if I get back on that operating table I will die. I realise that’s not likely to happen, but I just can’t get passed it, so I declined the offer.
Recovery is definitely happening, albeit slowly. I want to take longer walks again, but my fibro has flared up, making walking a very painful experience. It’s very frustrating since I was in a pretty good place before the surgery. I was walking 2-4 kilometers a day (which isn’t a lot to most people, but with my fibro it’s the best I’ve managed in years), and feeling pretty good overall. Now I’m in pain after 200 meters.
It will get better though, and I know that. Some days I’m just not feeling it. And I think that’s why I’m bad at writing at the moment. I don’t really want to fill the blog with my whining about this. So I just have to remind myself that it will get better.
I have one thing to look forward to at least; going to visit the boyfriend for a week in August. Still a bit apprehensive about letting him see my “new” tummy, but it has to happen eventually anyway – so might as well get it over with. And I do miss him, so it’ll be nice to see him again.
Our moving plans are taking longer than expected, so a visit is definitely needed. (Will write more about that another day.)