I have a secret. Sort of.
It’s one of those things you just generally don’t tell people about because it’s still a bit “odd”. Basically.. I have a thing (I don’t know how else to describe it) with a person I’ve never actually met in person.
We’ve been chatting online for over three years, talking on Skype almost every evening. (Only evenings we haven’t is when either of us is have been away from home/occupied.)
Now we’re finally planning to meet. In two or three weeks (the exact date is yet to be set). And I’m completely freaking out.
Don’t get me wrong, I really want to meet this guy. After all, I’ve been talking with him for over three years now and I feel like I know him. But it’s still very scary. Physical presence is quite another deal to chatting online or on Skype.
I don’t know what I expect will happen when we meet, but I know I worry about it. All of the things I don’t like about myself suddenly seem extra evident, and I’m afraid he’ll take one look at me and run the other direction.
Now, he’s seen photos of me of course. But let’s be honest here, photos are never quite the same thing as the reality.
And so I worry. And fret. Through all of this, a small part of me is hoping that everything will go well, and that he’ll like me as I am. But for the most part I just worry and fret.
All of those little insecurities that you have about your body suddenly seem a lot bigger than normal. And I have a lot of things that I consider wrong with my body. The biggest though is probably the fact that I’m not a small girl by any means – and I’m terrified.
There are other things as well though, like the big, ugly scars on my left leg after I broke it a couple of years back. (He knows about them though obviously, since we were already talking when it happened.) But he’s never really seen them in all their “glory”.
I’m trying not to look to harshly at myself though. I want to just meet him and enjoy his company. No matter what, we are good friends, and we should have a good time meeting whether he finds me attractive or not.
Has anyone else ever met someone off the internet? Were you nervous?