So it’s happened. Our relationship is over as per 2.30 am last night.
I guess I was kind of expecting it, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. After all, this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with… But apparently he didn’t feel the same way about me. I realise that considering that, it’s better that it ended, but it still hurts.
You can’t really escape the questions… Am I not good enough? Why doesn’t he love me as much as I love him?
The thought of never seeing him again, never hugging him or holding him close, never speaking with him, it breaks my heart.
But in the end, I hope he’ll be happy. That he’ll find the happiness he couldn’t find with me.
For myself I just have to take one day at a time to begin with. We’re less than 4 weeks away from what would have been our 5 year anniversary, that feels sad. I have to decide what I want to do with my life, because at this point, I really don’t know. I kept hoping that we could work out our difficulties and that we’d stay together. Now that I’m alone again, I have no idea what to do with myself.
There are many options, but at this moment neither seems enticing. I hope that as time progresses I will be more interested in something though, and maybe I can find something I wish to do.
Right now, I will concentrate on other things, try to forget the pain, maybe start buying Christmas gifts for when I’m going home to visit in a month. That’ll be good and hopefully help some… Seeing my family again.