What I Want for Christmas…

So the Christmas Countdown is starting early this year, I’m already waiting for it and hoping it will soon be time to take in and dress the tree. It’s just over 5 weeks left, so not so much longer! (I guess I better start looking for Christmas gifts…)

At the same time I feel kind of sad as well, because I seem to be in the same spot I was one year ago… or even two years ago for that matter. I would love for my boyfriend to come with me and celebrate Christmas in Sweden with me, just once… If he doesn’t like it, then fair enough… But he refuses to come along every year. In fact, he’s refusing to come along to Sweden at all since about 4.5 years now.

Last year I was practically begging on my knees for him to join me, but he wouldn’t relent. This year I’ve given up on begging since it obviously makes no difference. I seem to be out of options, and I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that he won’t come along.

But then where does that leave our relationship, if he will never come with me to visit my family? I know I’m not someone who could keep the lives completely separate, I’m not someone who would even want to. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I believe in living together and sharing each other’s lives… Visiting each other’s families… Getting married… Having children… (Sure, a bit of time apart every now and then is only healthy, but that’s a different point)

The way our relationship is now, I know it won’t last… Because I can’t live my life that way… And if leaves me feeling a bit at odds and not knowing where to go from here. He’s giving me no indication of what he wants… Whenever I try to find out I just don’t get an answer… And I don’t know what to do…

Anyway, on a different note. I managed to finish Chapter 6 today… It needs some revisions, but I’m thinking I’ll do that later on, right now I really just need to keep writing to keep the book moving.

But now I’m going to watch Shrek 2 (again) and feel sorry for myself…


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