Failure

I only have four more working days until the summer holiday now, and I’ll be honest – it couldn’t come soon enough. My new job (if it can still be considered new after five months) is rewarding, but oh so exhausting. I’m working more hours than I’ve managed to in years since I became ill, and it’s definitely taking its toll.

When I get home from work I am so exhausted that I rarely manage to get anything done. Most days I fall asleep, and never wake up enough to do anything worthwhile. I’ll force myself to cook something for dinner, and that’s about it. The flat isn’t nearly as tidy as I would like, since I fall behind on cleaning. Lots of things need to be done/sorted, and I just don’t have the energy to do it.

All in all, it makes me feel like a failure. It might sound stupid, but I would like to keep a nice, tidy house for the boyfriend. I moved over here, and I’m contributing very little to the household in the form of income due to working less hours, and having a lower hourly rate to begin with. So I feel that the least I could do is cook dinner and keep the flat tidy. But I’m not even managing that most of the time.

I really hate being this tired. It’s the kind of tired when it doesn’t really matter how much – or little – you sleep; you’re still exhausted. I’ve tried to not fall asleep when I get home from work, just to have some more time to do things, but some days it’s impossible. I just can’t keep my eyes open.

I just wish I could do more and get more things done. It’s become especially obvious now that some of my family is coming to visit next week. There are so many things I’d like to get done before they get here, and I’m getting nowhere with them, because I’m just too exhausted after work.

Well, that’s enough whining for today I think. Every now and then I just need to vent. I realise that it probably gets boring for anyone reading this blog for a while, since a lot of my posts are basically “I’m tired”. Which, I suppose, is because I’m always tired. I’ve been tired for many years, and I honestly can’t remember what it feels like to not be tired.

Positive thought; only four more working days and then six weeks off!

Twelve

Twelve. That’s the amount of working days left until school breaks up for the summer. I’m feeling quite worn down, so I’m very much looking forward to the time off. We don’t start again until September 1. The school holidays are definitely a big bonus when working in a school!

In the evening on the day we break up for summer, my mom, her partner and one of my brothers are coming over to visit for a week. It’ll be fun to show them around this new area where I live. Whenever I’m on outings with school, I try to make mental notes of where we are and if it would be something nice for my family to do.

After a week, they’ll be returning to Sweden, and I’m going with them. Can’t wait to visit home and see the rest of my family. My sister had a baby a month ago, and it will be the first time I see her – it will be so lovely!

Other news is that work did offer me another contract. Fixed-term again, until they break up for summer next year. So, good news – I’m still employed!

When writing…

It frustrates me whenever I read things where you know people meant one thing, but it really reads like another. Not that I’m perfect and always write everything perfectly, but if you’re writing for a newspaper/tabloid, then maybe you should think about what you type?

This came across my news feed on Facebook this evening:

baby-age47

Is it just me, or does this read as if she’s carrying a 47 year old baby?

Let’s be honest though, there’s no end to the things you can find if you start looking at headlines in newspapers and the like.

Oh, I wish I had saved a picture though… The other week on the local “for sale” page on Facebook someone had posted an image about their store having a sale – and the way it was phrased, it sounded like they were selling babies and toddlers.

And it’s gone…

My one week off is coming to an end, tomorrow it’s back to work. The week has gone by way too fast, and I didn’t get around to doing even half of the things I had planned. Still, it’s been nice to be off and I’ve enjoyed some much needed rest and relaxation.

I’ve received a letter from work confirming that my contract is coming to an end on July 20th, something which I already knew. They’re not offering an extension, but I’m invited to a chat regarding my employment in the near future. Whether or not they will offer me another temporary contract for the fall term remains to be seen. I guess I will find out during that chat.

I’m pretty sure that the letter is worded in that way to make sure that if they do offer a new contract, they only have to do it from the start of the fall term – rather than extending the current one. All of the temporary staff has received the same letter. It means they don’t have to pay us for six weeks. Which is really nice for them, but awful for us.

Still, a new contract from September is more secure than having to go job hunting, and I do enjoy the job. So I am really hoping for a new contract, as frustrating as it might be to be without pay for several weeks.

So, tomorrow it’s back to work. I have six weeks of work, plus two days (school finishes on a Tuesday this year) – then my mom, her partner and one of my brothers come to visit for a week. After that, I fly back to Sweden with them to visit home for two weeks, something I’m really looking forward to.

I just need to find the energy to get through the next six weeks and two days first!

Weddings

There have been a lot of weddings in my life lately. In March we went to a friend’s wedding. in May we had a wedding party for a couple of friends (who had eloped and gotten married in Scotland), and then a large wedding for the boyfriend’s sister.

I enjoy weddings. They’ve all been lovely, and I’ve enjoyed being allowed to share in the joy and happiness of our friends.

It’s strange though, because the wedding-mania (I also have two colleagues at work who are getting married, so there’s been a lot of talk about weddings!) has made me want to get married myself. Which is an odd feeling to me since it’s not something I’ve ever been overly concerned about. For a little while there though, I was feeling like I wanted nothing more than to get married.

Not have a big wedding, mind you. I’d hate that. But to get married. I’m not entirely sure what caused the feeling, but it was pretty frustrating. It turned me into someone I didn’t recognise. The girlfriend who kept whining about getting married. I never wanted to be that person. I think my feelings are finally settling down though, which is nice – because I’m pretty sure I was driving both the boyfriend and myself nuts.

I'm never really allowed a nice photo of the two of us...

I’m never really allowed a nice photo of the two of us…

I would still like to get married one day, but I care more about being married than I do about having a wedding. When the day comes, I’d prefer something smaller, more casual. There’s nothing I hate more than the idea of a lot of people staring at me!

Anyway, the weddings were all lovely – and quite different from each other. Especially the two in May. The first being a fairly informal, relaxed wedding party with easy pick-up foods. No sit down dinner, no speeches – just a lot of people hanging out and mingling, eating some food and dancing. The second was a big, proper wedding with the ceremony, sit-down dinner, speeches, wedding reception… You name it, it probably happened!

Lovely photo of the boyfriend with his mom at the wedding reception.

Lovely photo of the boyfriend with his mom at the wedding reception.

Speaking of speeches… The boyfriend did one for his sister’s wedding, and it was amazing. It was like a comedy skit. A lot of people commented on how well he did, and I’m very proud of him. (Especially considering that he hadn’t written a single thing down!) An uncle recorded it, but sadly the sound cuts out a lot because of all the background noise.

I think we’re all weddinged-out for a bit now. No more pending invitations, so we can relax. And I’m doing just that, enjoying my one week off for half term.

The reception had special coasters...

The reception had special coasters…

The boyfriend's mom showing off a beard, not knowing that the real deal was behind her!

The boyfriend’s mom showing off a beard, not knowing that the real deal was behind her!

Far Away

Living far away from your family isn’t easy at the best of times, so when I got a message last week that my grandma had been taken to the hospital, I was definitely struggling. I wanted very badly to be there for her, able to visit her in the hospital and help out in any way I can. Neither of which is possible when you’re in another country.

She was taken to the hospital last Wednesday morning, and ended up having emergency surgery that afternoon. After that she’s been struggling with an infection, but from what I’m hearing she’s on the mend, and they’re hoping to send her home next week. (With some assistance in the home, since she won’t be able to do everything for a while yet.)

When something like this happens you feel very powerless when you’re far away. It’s made me miss my family extra much, and I can’t wait until end of July when I go home to see them. Especially my grandma, who I will be hugging extra hard.

Legion Beta

Only fellow geeks will get this, but I’m just really happy! Today Legion Beta will go live, and I finally got an invite after jealously glancing at the people who had Alpha access.

I’m admittedly not the “best” Beta player, since I generally don’t play through everything (I like to save it for live). That said, I’m looking forward to being able to test out the changes to the Hunter class (which is my current main), to see if it’s even something I’ll want to continue playing. Also quite wanting to give the Demon Hunter a try.

In any case, I’m happy. I might be able to choose which class to play before the expansion goes live now!

It says Alpha, but it's actually Beta.

It says Alpha, but it’s actually Beta.

Writing Woes

I have discovered that I have some problems with my writing. There are always periods when I feel like I struggle to write, but this one is a bit different. Since moving in with the boyfriend, writing has become extra difficult.

We share a desk, and I’ve realised that I find it incredibly awkward to write when sitting next to someone. Writing, to me, is a solitary activity – and sitting right next to someone who is busy playing games, sometimes chatting to friends on Skype; it’s really putting me off!

I wish I was able to write anywhere, under any circumstances. But as it turns out, I need things my way to be able to do it.

It’s extra frustrating, because I really want to get back to it. I am slowly plotting a series of shorter stories set in a fantasy world. It’s basically just romance stories with a fantasy setting. I have no great plans for them other than publishing them either here on the blog, or on a separate blog dedicated to the series of stories. (Since there’s quite a few if I continue them all.)

Naturally, I also want to do the finishing bits on my two written books, and finally continue on the third (and eventually fourth, to finish the series). These I want to release on Kindle and/or other e-book publishers, since you can do that on your own.

I have so many ideas, y’all. I just need to figure out how I will be able to write with someone next to me. Help!

So. Many. Ideas.

So. Many. Ideas.

Adventure Time

On Monday mornings we take our students down to the harbour and we go canoeing. It’s a nice time, and I quite enjoy it the times I get to go (someone always has to stay behind in school, so we alternate). This Monday we ended up having a bit of an adventure though!

It was raining, but with the proper clothing, that’s never really an issue – so we got changed and got ready to head out. As a precaution the instructor had tied the canoes together in pairs. When we got out on the water the my canoe, and the one I was attached to, got caught in the current from the tide. While we were struggling to steer the canoe in the right direction, the tide was pushing us towards the rocky pier.

My colleagues who were in the other two canoes were laughing at our struggle. Until the wind suddenly picked up out of nowhere.

A few minutes later, all four canoes were pushed up against the rocky pier, and we were unable to get anywhere. The tide in combination with the waves from the increasing wind made it impossible to move, and any time we tried to turn around, we were just pushed right back against the rocks. We ended up having to hold onto a rock to avoid being pushed out to sea from the tide.

Eventually they had to come with a motorboat to pull us back to shore!

It was an interesting Monday!