When I was 17 my aunt took me to New York City for a weekend away. It was really cool, and also the first time in my life that I went on an airplane. I remember being very nervous. I’d love to go back to NYC at some point as an adult, since I suspect there are some parts of the city you just don’t appreciate in the same way as a teenager.
This is my first post in some time, other than my pre-planned “Throwback Thursday” posts (I tend to prepare them in bulk when I have some spare time), and there is a reason for that.
On Tuesday 2 June I went in for surgery. It wasn’t something I was telling a lot of people because it was personal, and something I’d been considering on and off for a long time. It was recommended to me because it could help me with having less pain from my fibromyalgia, as well as some other health benefits.
Still, I was hesitant, because I hate surgery.
In the end though, I went for it, because everyone seemed very positive about it. It was a key-hole surgery and I should be home already the next day.
Except I wasn’t.
I should have gone with my initial gut feeling that I hate surgery. Because when they were putting in the first (or second, I don’t know exactly because I have yet to be given the papers from the day) instrument, they managed to scratch my aorta and cause a bleeding. Seriously? My aorta. There are a lot of crap in there, but they had to nick the fucking main artery in my entire body. (Sorry, I’m still somewhat bitter.)
Don’t get me wrong. I know there are always risks with surgery (hence my initial apprehension). But this is not a normal thing to happen. It does happen. But the odds are minimal. The doctors I had explained that they’d never seen it happen in all of their years there (15!), and I was the first patient of theirs to ever have this happen. I was worried about a lot of different complications. This particular one… Never even entered my mind.
So, they had to skip the key-hole surgery and open me up entirely. Then they kept me under for about 18 hours. I went in for surgery at 2pm on Tuesday and they finally woke me up at 9am on Wednesday.
I’m told that one of the first things I said was “Something is wrong”. I vaguely remember saying it too, and feeling it. Just this horrible feeling that things weren’t as they were meant to be. I was hooked up to a lot of machines and crap. Tubes going into my airways. Not exactly what I had expected to wake up to.
Funnily enough, I am told I spoke English at times and they had to tell me to switch back to Swedish. I would have thought that in like “default mode”, I would have stuck to Swedish, but apparently not. It took me a few hours to get back to myself a bit. I remember crying a lot. And panicking.
I stayed in ICU most of Wednesday, but finally got to go to a regular ward(?) around 7pm at night. Which was nice, since that was the first time they allowed you to use your phone. They’d contacted my mom on Tuesday, so she came down on Wednesday to see me and stayed the night. (I remember asking about her or saying “she’ll be here soon/should be here soon” like a million times while waiting for her to show up). Turns out you end up a little mama’s girl when something like this happens.
I finally got to go home from the hospital this Monday, but I’m still in a pretty bad shape. It’s getting better by the day though. I’m actually able to sit by the PC for a few minutes at a time now if I have a pillow behind me. Recovery is going to take a while though. Since they had to open me up, I’m not allowed to carry anything heavy (-ish) for two months. Which makes things kind of difficult. Right now I wouldn’t want to try anyway though, since it’s still fairly painful to move at all.
Anyway, so that’s why it’s been pretty quiet over here.
I have to say… There have been decisions in my life where I’ve gone “yeah, that was stupid – I really wish I hadn’t done that”, but I can generally say that I at least learned something from it. This time… This is probably the first time in my life where I truly wish that I could go back in time and and undo it.
The first few days in the hospital were awful. Any time I’d close my eyes and not focus on my breathing, I’d panic and think I wasn’t breathing at all. Any times I was nearly falling asleep, I’d panic and think I was never going to wake up again if I did fall asleep.
I’ll be fine though, I’m going to make a full recovery. I’m just still bitter, and I guess I will be for a little while.
I found an old photo of my desk/workspace from when I lived in NL. This picture must be from 2006 or so. I actually had CDs still! Haha! I think the huge pile of papers at the top shelf contains two proofreading copies of my first novel. You know, the one I still haven’t done anything with. Bad Em! I also see World of Warcraft, which makes sense since I started playing that in April -06.
In December I went to a wedding and bought a pair of ankle boots to wear. Unfortunately they didn’t work out for me, since I was in pain from wearing them for more than a couple of minutes. (Certain angles caused by the high heels don’t work for me after I broke my leg close to the ankle.)
Anyway, I finally got around to returning them some time ago (since they were bought in December they fell under the special Christmas deal which gave you 6 months to return things). When I got there, I was in luck – because they had a deal; buy 3 pairs of shoes and pay for 2! So I came away with three new pairs of shoes with only having to add an additional 20 bucks. Since I have pretty much one pair of summer shoes, that was perfect for me!
So I now have a pair of everyday shoes, a pair of walking shoes and a pair of nicer ballerina shoes. I’m very happy with the purchase. The walking shoes are great. They’re not very nice looking, but they have a silicone pad inside, which makes them so comfortable when walking! Perfect now that I’m taking longer and longer walks with Bailey! I wish all my shoes had silicone padding!
As I wrote that title I realized that with the recent talk of diets, one might think it’s going to be photos of me. But too soon, my friends – too soon!
Bailey gets very furry when you don’t cut it down (think forest troll), so recently I had him shaved. His fur grows like weed, so he looks a little silly for like a month, then it gets a bit longer again. Also helps not to wear that huge fur coat in the summer heat, I’d think.
So, here’s Bailey before and after his visit at the pet groomer. I swear it’s like I’m going home with another dog.
Since I’m actually rather unhappy and worried at the moment about a myriad of reasons, I figured I will write a list of Positive Things About Being Unemployed. Because I need something positive.
So without further ado, there are the Positive Things About Being Unemployed:
- I can sleep in and/or stay up late
- Walking around in pajamas all day long is now possible (cause I’m classy like that!)
- I get to write a lot of bad fanfiction (seriously, I’m just shy of 50 pages written so far… I need this motivation for my books!)
- Catching up on TV-shows is easier with more spare time (I watched the entire first season of “The Last Man on Earth” in like two days)
Okay, I’m out. That’s all I can think of. Can anyone think of anything to add?
This past weekend my mom and I drove down to visit my sister H and her boyfriend. They live in Malmö in the south of Sweden, about a five hour drive from where I am. The weather wasn’t great, but at least the rain held up for most of the time, but you can tell from the photos that it was very cloudy.
Still, it was a very nice visit. I hadn’t been down to see her for years (she usually comes here since she visits mom and all the other family). She had a new apartment together with her boyfriend that they moved into in October last year. I’m kind of jealous of it, because it’s really big and very nice. In England the places in general seem a lot smaller. I guess it’s because the lack of space compared to Sweden. We’re kind of spoilt by it, after all.
It was a nice weekend, we did a little bit of sightseeing, but mainly just hung out, watched a movie, went out to dinner etc.
The Turning Torso, an apartment building in Malmö known for it’s peculiar shape.
The old Limestone Quarry in Limhamn, just outside the city.